Reviewed By Liz

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by author Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, speaking at conferences and, in this case, He has just returned the Left Coast Crime conference, in Denver, where he was one of the author panelist.

DENVER, March 7 — Bad weather delays my flight, and I land at Denver International Airport grumpy and twice late. Left Coast Crime, a major attraction for mystery fans and authors, was supposed to be the first stop on The 2008 Big Money World Tour. But since the new book wasn’t/isn’t ready, this top-rated convention will just have to hear again about my debut.

Waving goodbye to the multi-peaked, strange airport building, I remember that, as a stockbroker twenty years ago, I must have sold $10 million worth of Denver Airport revenue bonds to mom and pop investors. I personally raised money to help build this place.

“Where you headed?” the cabbie says.

“The Adam’s Mark.”

Those Denver Airport bonds, barely investment grade and viewed as semi-risky by some uninformed souls, paid off nicely, and I’m hoping good karma will flow back, that my luck will change.

* * *

“You’re an author, aren’t you?” the woman says.

I nod. “Yes. My name’s Jack Getze.”

“Well, come on up here, Mr. Getze. We need another contestant.”

My memory’s getting so bad, I had not intended to enter even this preliminary round of the Left Coast Crime Mystery Trivia Contest. I just couldn’t find the right room. I was looking for Rosemary Harris and Chris Grabenstein.

“This is your trivia contest partner,” the woman says. “Mike Black.”

Mike and I shake hands. He seems like a nice guy, a police officer from a suburb of Chicago.

I learn Mike is a lot more than that when the moderator starts asking questions. Mike knows everything. Old TV shows. New TV shows. Movies from thirties. Movies they haven’t made yet. Oh, yeah. And Mike’s read every mystery book ever written.

The next morning, Mike and I are in the semifinals. This time, the competition is almost as good as Mike. Down six points to zero after the first round, Mike catches them at the finish in round six. The moderator calls sudden death. We contestants are told to shout out the answer. The first right answer wins.

Come on, Mike.

“Some first names are very common among mystery fiction authors,” says the moderator. “Which first name do the following authors share? Barnard… Fate…”

“Robert,” I say.

“Team One, Jack and Mike, you’re the winners.”

Wow. What luck. Robert Fate and I were introduced a year ago, are well acquainted, and usually chat when we see each other on the mystery convention circuit.

Oh, my. Mike and I are in the finals. The Championship!

Mike and I sneak upstairs to strategize for the finals. He’s going to check out the competition in their semifinal. I’m going to study the LCC program, where a lot of questions seem to come from–mystery authors at the convention, their books, subject matter, and characters.

Two hours later, Mike and TFA meet minutes before the Championship.

“We’ve got our work cut out,” Mike says. “The other team is two librarians, including this year’s Mystery Fan of the Year.”

No problem. We have Mike.

I’m not going to drag this out. Even Mike couldn’t answer the first round of incredibly hard questions, but the librarians didn’t miss. To my count, in fact, they only missed four questions during the whole match, including second-guessing Mike and my misses. We never had a shot.

I guess airport-bond karma only goes so far.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com (c)2008

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, speaking at conferences and, in this case, being interviewed on the radio.

LOST NEAR BRIDGETON, NJ (January, 2008)

– “You’re on the right road,” the radio station man says. “Just come straight down Highway 56.”

I stare at my cellphone. This is The Story of 2007, the theme of my Big Numbers World Tour: Everybody tells me I’m on the right path. But I never seem to get anywhere.

“I’m afraid ‘down’ doesn’t help me much,” I say. “Do I make a left or a right out of this side street?”

“Well, where are you again?”

“I think I’m in Vineland. The sign only says Highway 56.”

“Then like I said, just head straight down 56.”

I’m looking forward to this radio interview. The show’s host, Jonathan P. Casey, is something of a cult figure among rock n’ rollers of a certain age. Besides my book, I’m hoping our one-hour, on-the-air chat will include some discussion of the 1960s British Invasion, a subject in which Mr. Casey is expert.

“You want to go west,” the radio station man says.

“West is good,” I say. “That helps. Let’s think this through. It’s eight o’clock in the morning. The sun hasn’t been up that long, and it rises in the east. So if I take Highway 56 away from the sun, that has to be west.”

“Sounds good to me, dude.”

I arrive just in time for the radio show, two minutes to spare.

*

“Does your book have any curse words?” the first caller says. “I don’t like curse words.”

Jonathan glances at me. He’s read the book. He knows the answer.

“Yes,” I say. “There are a few four-letter words.”

The lady hangs up.

“Darn,” says Jonathan. “Let’s try another caller. Yes, ma’am, you’re on the air. Do you have a question for Jack?”

“I’ve written a book about growing and baling wheat in the field,” the second caller says. “Which publisher do you think would be most interested?”

I want to say, ‘Random House, definitely,’ but I’m too polite. I tell her instead about a reference book on publishers and agents. Jonathan doesn’t hold back.

“Good luck with that one,” he says.

*

Jonathan’s south Jersey audience proves their existence at Sherlock Tomes Bookstore later that day. A nice handful of people stop by to say they heard the show, and to ask about the book.

Gosh, I even sell a couple.

“I hope there aren’t any curse words,” one buyer says.

She’s thumbing a copy I’ve just signed for her in thick black ink. Uh, oh. I swallow.

“Ha ha. Look at your face,” she says. “I’m kidding. I thought you handled that woman very nicely.”

I smile and nod, but inside I’m thinking, I should have known. Bridgeton may be a little hard to find, a bit off the beaten path. But basically, it’s just like the rest of New Jersey.

Everybody’s a chop-buster.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com (c)2007

BUFFALO, NY — Desmond uses one of those sticky roller things to take the lint off my black sport coat. Tonight’s event, A Cavalcade of Authors, is about to start, and before leaving the recently refurbished Big Numbers World Tour bus, Desmond–my driver, assistant, PR consultant, and spiritual counselor–wants me to look and be my best.

“Have you thought of what you will say?” Desmond says.

“Not really. The usual. Something about the 600-pound live tuna. Or the stockbroker who needs money to win back his kids.”

“The program says each author will have four or five minutes to talk about himself and his book,” Desmond says. “Seems to me you should have some good lines written down on a note card–maybe even memorized.”

“I like to wing it. I think spontaneous is better than canned, you know.”

Desmond nods. “I agree, at least when you’re face-to-face with someone. But this is like a little speech. You should be prepared.”

Everybody’s full of advice these days. My agent. The PR department. My wife and kids. The family’s chocolate Lab. Desmond’s been on board what? Two months? Not even, and the former guru to the stars thinks he knows all there is to know about publishing.

“I’ve done this kind of thing a dozen times this year, Desmond. I’ll be fine.”

Inside the book store, I greet my fellow authors, including a few familiar faces, and then sit down behind the head table to begin our little forum. About twenty or twenty-five customers have gathered to hear us. One by one, we talk about our books.

The author is front of me is hilarious. Like a standup comic, this person makes the crowd giggle, laugh, and guffaw. I’ve heard the jokes before, this tale the author tells, but the delivery gets better each time, and the material that didn’t work last time has gotten tossed out. It’s now boiled down to a highlight reel.

The author finishes to loud applause.

I stand and stutter. Then a long silence as I forget which story I was going to tell. In desperation, I blurt out dumb stuff about my past, then try to switch to the book. My lead character sounds like a bad father when I forget certain facts.

I sit down after two minutes because I have no idea what I should say next, and because everything I DID say was disastrous.

Half an hour later, Desmond walks me back to the tour bus and begins to brew some herb tea. No more booze for me, he says. “I saw you talking to people afterward,” Desmond says. “Did you sell any books?”

“Only one. But I talked to over twenty mystery readers.”

“How many books did that author who spoke just before you sell? He was very funny.”

“I don’t know. Seven or eight, I guess. I quit looking.”

Desmond’s eyes bore into mine.

“Okay, okay,” I say. “Next time I’ll write some stuff down on a note card.”

“In this situation, you are a performer,” he says. “You must have good material, and you must rehearse.”

“Should I sing and play the guitar?”

“Resist if you want to, boss, but this is what you have to do if you want new people to try your book. This is why you’re on this bus.”

Desmond’s probably right. But it’s times like these when a lonely garret looks good.

Escondido, CA. — In the yellow-brown dust alongside U.S. Highway 15, a major new freeway through the heart of San Diego County’s hilly desert region, the Big Numbers World Tour bus suffers a meltdown.

Out of gas, two flat tires, and a broken, cranky heart. The Old Steel Warrior just couldn’t take the pounding schedule. Those endless miles in the dead of night. The refueling and maintenance nightmares in unknown territory. Those snubs from fancier buses.

“No problem,” Desmond says. “We call a tow truck.”

My new driver sports long hair, a beard, and, so far anyway, an unlikely wealth of common sense.

“That’s one idea,” I say. “Another is to leave the bus here for the buzzards and fly home. I think I’ve had it with the Big Numbers World Tour.”

Desmond’s eyebrows scrunch into a single dark patch. “You can’t give up.”

“Why not?” I say. “It’s almost Halloween. Another month and it’s Thanksgiving. The publishing industry shuts down.”

Desmond wags his head, no. “But not the book stores. December and January are the biggest months of the year for retail book sales. You’ve got to be out there, getting people to try your work.”

Over my shoulder, construction equipment carves brown California desert into a shopping center. Men and their machines are moving mountains.

Funny, but I’m not feeling that same level of ambition anymore.

“We’re wasting our time, Desmond. Nobody wants to come to a signing for Jack Getze. They never heard of Jack Getze. They want to come to a signing for Robert Crais, or Lee Child, or Charlaine Harris.”

“You have to start somewhere,” Desmond says.

Maybe. But I think I should start with a strong, new book, a number three in the Austin Carr Mystery Series that kicks tail. I want to lock myself up in the fiction office for a while.

“We have the Cavalcade of Authors next week in Buffalo,” Desmond says. “Remember? That Mystery Writers of America signing at Border’s?”

“Vaguely.”

“But after that, just telephone stuff. You can take another long break. Let me call the tow truck.”

“Wait a minute. We have to get to Buffalo by next week?”

“No sweat,” Desmond says. “We take U.S. 70, straight across the country.”

I glance down at the spreading pool of engine oil. The flat tires. My own worn shoes. “It’s not the route I’m worried about, pal.”

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by author Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, and speaking at conferences.

VALENCIA, CA (Sept. 14) — Oh, my, has the landscape changed since we left Southern California in 1982. This bustling, traffic-congested city near the once-remote Magic Mountain amusement park used to be acres of tumbleweed, a desert so far out of Los Angeles you could actually see stars in the night sky.

In fact, as the Big Numbers World Tour bus pulls into town, I’m convinced our driver had the directions mixed up.

“This can’t be Valencia, Desmond. I think you took a wrong turn.”

“What does that sign say?”

“Well, yes, it does SAY Valencia. But it can’t be true. Look. There are actually people here.”

Desmond shakes his shaggy head. His face and neck are obscured by long, curly locks and a beard worthy of a viking. “Why would Border’s build a bookstore here if there weren’t people?” he says.

I shrug. “For authors like me. They have to have SOME place to hold unattended book signings.”

“Stop with the negativity, Getze. The spirits are listening. You will create your own destiny.”

Desmond talks like this a lot. That’s why I hired him for the second half of the Big Numbers World Tour. I need inspiration. Plus, I’m very busy working on number three in the Austin Carr Mystery Series, a thrilling new tale with the working title of Big Bigness. I can no longer drive.

“Want me to park in the Border’s lot?” Desmond says. “We should go inside and make sure they have books.”

“No. Let’s go to the hotel. I need a martini.”

Later that night, I am seated at a small table near the front door of Border’s. I have my coffee, promotional material, and a thick black ink pen just in case someone wants me to sign a book.

“Are you Jack Getze?” a young lady says. She and her young man have more metal on their face than those Greek warriors in the movie “300.”

“I am indeed,” I say. “Do you like mysteries?”

“Oh, no. I never read books. But would you sign my palm.”

“Your palm?”

“Yes. I’ll never wash my hands again.”

I wait for the punch line, some humorous or mean-spirited explanation for this inexplicable request. Finally, I realize she is totally serious.

“Well, I’ll sign your palm if you’d like, young lady, but it’s important to wash your hands. Several times a day.”

“You sound like her mother,” the boyfriend says.

That shuts me up. I pick up my pen and sign her hand. You know, why the heck not? Then the boyfriend, who wears a Mohawk in addition to the various piercings, wants me to sign his hand as well. I sign without hesitation.

“Thanks, dude. You’re cool.”

As I watch them leave the bookstore, I’m thinking maybe the landscape in Greater Los Angeles really hasn’t changed all that much.

Glad you’re on the bus.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, and speaking at conferences. Jack is also the featured author on July 14th.

BRANCHTOWN, NJ (JULY 4) — Oh, happy, happy Independence Day. I’m celebrating
not only the founding of our nation but the mid-term cessation of all promotional activities, especially that bumpy road trip called the Big Numbers World Tour.

I’m hitting the beach. (They call it the shore here in Jersey, but except for pizza, pork roll sausage, and stolen merchandise, what do Jersey people know? I grew up in Southern California with surf knobs on my toes. It’s the BEACH.)

Anyway, I need a rest. Seattle, Miami Beach, Washington D.C., Pittsburgh, Erlanger KY, New York City, Boise, Dallas, and Parsippany NJ. All in five months. The Big Numbers World Tour ran me ragged and gave me a cold.

But those five months also prompt a serious, corporate debriefing. What did I see, hear, and learn? What mistakes did I make? How can I do a better job of getting people to read my book?

Q. What did you see?

A. A whole bunch of authors acting silly. Unless you’re already a star, the idea at these mystery/crime conventions is to be on panels and make a connection with your audience. You might sell some people your book, but it’s mainly a chance to acquaint potential buyers with yourself and your cover. In marketing, success almost always takes time and multiple hits. But in “making the connection,” authors often turn goofy. Some wear stupid hats. Some hand out candy. Almost all of us tell weird jokes. We’re nervous up there. We end up seeking attention in strange ways. I, for instance, was always revealing too much personal stuff. I don’t think those middle-aged women really wanted to hear about my prostate problems.

Q. What did you hear?

A. Sad, discouraging stories. Publishers shutting down. Stranded authors. Dropped series. Dwindling newspaper reviews. Bookstores focusing only on big names. Statistics that shake even us optimists: Hundreds of new mysteries every month. The average book sells maybe a few hundred copies. Ask a room full of book buyers if they plan to pick up a debut author as their next read, maybe one or two hands go up. (I’ve read a lot on the internet lately about authors promoting themselves too much. Gosh people, don’t you get it? If new authors DON’T promote themselves and their work, no one will ever read them. Besides, it’s really fun to see your picture in the paper.)

Q. What did you learn?

A. That many, many middle-aged women prefer vampires, cats, and scrap booking detectives to divorced stockbrokers and giant bluefin tuna. That’s okay. I only need a small niche. Oh, and I also learned how other authors sign their books. I watched some biggies–Charlaine Harris, Robert Crais, David Morrell–and they all ask for the fan’s name, how to spell it, and then try to say something personal as they’re writing. Very professional. I am well prepared if anyone ever asks me. (Okay, I’m exaggerating. I sold and signed a few books at every convention except the last one, Deadly Ink in New Jersey–I’m choosing to believe everyone there already owned it–and I once sold twenty to a room full of frog-throwing writers.)

Q. What mistakes did you make?

A#1. I did not bring a personal slave. Lugging that suitcase, books, chapbooks, and a computer around airports, hotels, and train stations was a real pain. My wife and kids turned down the job. I should have paid.

A#2. I was not Random House’s number one pick for the spring season. I should have pushed my agent harder.

A#3 I probably traveled a little too much this spring. I think it’s okay to talk to yourself. Lots of people do it. But I think it shows a certain lack of balance to talk to, and answer yourself, as I’ve just done with this Q&A. Let’s hope a little sand and surf can bring me back.

Until September, everybody off the bus. Jack Getze

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, speaking at conferences and, in this case, attending the Murder in the Grove mystery convention. Jack is also the featured author on July 14th.

BOISE, IDAHO (June 9) — Walking from my hotel to the Saturday evening reception, Murder in the Grove’s closing show, I find myself mano-a-mano with New York Times best-selling author, this mystery convention’s Guest of Honor, Robert Crais.

Strolling the sidewalk, just the two of us, one author to another.
Sure. Like Roger Clemens and my granddaughter are both baseball players.

“You’ve got to lose your ego in this business,” Crais says.

My ears perk up. The first reason is Crais himself. One of the publishing industry’s biggest stars, and about to be presented with Idaho’s Bloody Pen Award for his contribution to crime fiction, Crais is wearing blue jeans, sneakers, shades, and a dark suit jacket over an untucked flowered shirt.

“I showed up at a bookstore not that long ago and they’d completely forgotten about my signing,” Crais says. “The place was empty. When I found the manager, he offered me a job application.”

All I can do is shake my head. Crais is telling me this story, talking about egos, for a reason. On his author panel earlier in the day, answering a question about my most embarrassing moment as a novelist, I mentioned what happened the night before. The bookstore we were all bussed to, for a signing, featured books by every author but me.

“My point is, you can’t let that stuff upset you,” Crais says. “That kind of thing happens all the time, to everybody. It’s part of the business.”

We’re about ten strides from the reception where one-hundred people await the presentation of Crais’s award and his acceptance speech. He’s a very funny, charming guy. I’ve got about four seconds before the crowd swallows him.

“I wasn’t upset with that bookstore lady,” I say. “Pouring whipped-creme latte on people’s shoes is pretty calm for me.”

Crais hesitates before joining the crowd, grins at me. “Yeah, but ramming the author bus into her Volkswagen was a bit much, don’t you think? You don’t want people saying you’re a hothead.”

Before I can tell him it was an accident, that I’m not used to driving International diesels, Crais disappears into a sea of friends and fans.

Maybe he’s right. I don’t want the publishing industry or potential readers to think I have a nasty temper.

Then again, if the bus driver and that bookstore lady actually file charges, I could get some decent news coverage.

Glad you’re on the bus. And don’t worry. I’m not driving.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, speaking at conferences and, in this case, attending a serious Writers Retreat to hone his craft. Jack is also the featured author on July 14th.

RED BANK, NJ (May 25) — The tour bus leaves in a few minutes for Erlanger, Kentucky and a campfire gathering of writers, editors, and agents known as the Writers Retreat Workshop.

My agent and publisher think I’m going to speak about my book, share my experiences getting published, and sell 9,000 copies of Big Numbers. More likely, I’m going to recuperate from the rigors of my Big Numbers World Tour, laugh a lot, and hopefully exact some revenge on The Man From Nashville.

Besides country music’s video director of the year, and a talented writer and artist, TMFN is also a practical joker. Last year, he sealed me in my room and then convinced a dozen people to squirt me with colored foam. I owe him. And although I know it’s a mistake to retaliate, because to date TMFN has always outwitted me, I’m going to try anyway.

This year I have an ally.

Driver, start the engine.

ERLANGER, KY (May 26) — This will be my ninth Memorial Day weekend spent at WRW. Since 1998, I’ve only missed once, the year my number one son graduated from college. I used to tell my family it was business–learning the craft, networking with agents–but they stopped listening when I called home one time during the nightly wine and cheese party.

I tow my suitcase and computer from the bus into the cluttered front office of the religious retreat center, WRW’s home for the next 10 days. Boxes, suitcases, and a pile of plastic name tags have turned the tiny room into a messy closet.

Behind the desk sits The Man From Nashville. He looks like one of the monks who gracefully leave the retreat center during our visits. TMFN has a round and gentle face.

“Hey, Jack,” he says. “It’s really good to see you.”

Don’t be fooled. If there was a laugh in it, TMFN would poison my Happy Meal. I give him a hug anyway.

After dinner, TMFN strikes first. My ally Chris finds a lifelike rubber frog under her pillow.

She displays the frog for me outside, voices low, our backs to the main retreat room and its wall of windows.

“Here’s how we get even,” Chris says. “At my five o’clock talk tonight, I’ll give you the signal, and then you play “Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog” and I’ll throw these frogs at him.”

Chris, who has five published mystery novels to her credit, shows me four plastic bags of tiny, multicolored frogs. “I found them in Bigg’s party favor section.”

I shake my head. Hey, this is The Man From Nashville. The man who sealed me in my room. I think we need to up the stakes.

“How about we pass out the frogs, get EVERYone in on the joke?” I say. “When the music plays, we ALL throw our frogs?”

Chris likes this idea. We give each other high fives, split up the frogs, and begin our recruitment.

In the men’s hall later, I pass out plastic frogs to Dennis, and then Rob, who requires a detailed explanation.

“When do I throw the frog again?” Rob says.

“At the five o’clock meeting. When Chris gives everyone the sign.”

At five minutes after five, TMFN strolls into the crowded meeting room and takes a seat in the back corner. Ha! He’s surrounded by the fireplace and the windows. Even the poorly aimed frogs will bounce off and hit him. TMFN will be covered in brightly colored amphibians.

Chris is introduced, but instead of beginning her talk, she turns and gives me the thumbs up.

I hit play. Three Dog Night sings something, but no one can hear the words or the tune. In the big room, my computer’s speakers barely stir the air. Hey, I told Chris we needed a sound check.

Chris shrugs and throws her frog toward TMFN. The rest of us wind up and hurl a cloud of critters.

TMFN grabs an umbrella from somewhere. He snaps it open just in time to shield himself from Chris’s frog and the hail of plastic that follows. The rubber toys don’t even make noise as they bounce off the umbrella and tumble to the carpet.

But, oh, my, worst of all, written on TMFN’s umbrella in huge black letters, a billboard for every set of eyes, are the words:

JACK HAS A BIG MOUTH

Seems I forgot TMFN’s room is right next to Rob’s.

So glad you’re on the bus.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

For those of you who have just joined us for the Summer Mystery Reading Challenge, first time author Jack Getze has been sending us updates from the road to give us insights into the new author experience. Jack’s primary job is to sell his new book, Big Numbers, through public appearances and any other publicity he can drum up. As you can see, it isn’t always easy. And while his notes from the road are brief, he sometimes reveals more than he intends. Check out Jack’s earlier Big Numbers World Tour notes under Jack Getze in the Reviews by Author section. His latest update is from the mystery authors convention, Malice Domestic.

WASHINGTON, DC (Friday, May 4) — Delayed by construction, my train from New Jersey arrives at Union Station 10 minutes late. I have a hissing fit when the robotic, incredibly complicated Metro ticket machine steals my $20 bill. And now–two subway switches and one kind stranger later–I’m jogging through the underbelly of the Marriott Crystal Gateway.

In tow are my computer, luggage, and 45 pounds of promotional material. We weave like halfbacks through the busy underground shopping mall.

Checking my cellphone, I’m due at the Malice Go Round for new authors in nine minutes. My pulse and temperature climb. And I need to find a restroom.

Nobody said being a new author was easier than getting to be one. I was just kind of hoping…

I trot into Malice Go Round with two minutes to spare. I’m red-faced and dripping with perspiration. Suave, poised, dabbing at my brow and upper lip like President Nixon.

“Ready to pitch your story to a hundred mystery fans?” the event coordinator says. “You get ninety seconds at each table.”

My eyes scan the Marriott 10,000-square-foot ballroom. I’m too sweaty, nervous, and distracted to count, but there are three or four rows of five or six tables. AT LEAST 100 people. I’m sure I’m wrong, but it seems like half the room is staring at me.

Buck up, I tell myself. Don’t be so self-conscious.

“You’d better zip yourself,” the coordinator whispers.

Later, in the bar, a veteran author of 20 some mysteries says, “This is our hazing process for you newbies. Fast-pitch practice, face-to-face. It’s tough, but you learned how to tell your story, didn’t you?”

Indeed. A serious learning experience. At one point, I asked another author traveling table-to-table with me. “Did I have three blank faces, or four this time when I mentioned the tuna?”

Malice had the best-run, most diversely interesting program of any conference I’ve seen. I sold a decent number of books from the dealers room, but signed only one book during a hugely attended, multi-author autograph session.

Compared to vampires, cats, and werewolves, my book’s big tuna created as much interest as a stale danish.

ON THE ROAD (Sunday, May 6) — We stop driving toward Pittsburgh at the halfway mark. Everybody’s hungry. I make a mistake and order pot roast. I was distracted, thinking about that 90-second pitch session and what I SHOULD have talked about instead of giant tunas.

“How about this?” I say. Chris, Susan, and Bob wisely chose hamburgers and are no competition for the conversation. “My style is best described as a sexy Raymond Chandler meets Carl Hiaasen.”

It sounded good in my head.

I rightly suffer snickers and guffaws, even from the family sitting next to us. The man with a tractor on his baseball hat says, “Why don’t you tell them you cook like Wolfgang Puck and golf like Tiger Wood?”

LOVE LETTER
To Richard Goldman and Mary Alice Gorman of The Mystery Lovers Bookshop in Oakmont, PA:

Thank you for making me feel like a prince. Your gracious, warm, and painstakingly planned Festival of Mystery brought me face to face with a lifelong dream. To see my book in your window with authors I admire and now know; to see space for me on your shelves; to sign and sell for a children’s reading program 11 books (A New BNWT Record!). I just haven’t stopped grinning in 72 hours.

Glad you’re on the bus. Jack Getze

Link: See previous entries of the 2007 Big Number World Tour and our review!

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

MIAMI BEACH — My Sleuthfest 2007 kicked off last Thursday with an afternoon margarita, and climaxes now–Sunday–with a celebratory shot of tequila. I’m fuzzy on what happened in between, but Elke the Bartender just told me I met hundreds of fans and sold dozens of books.

Really? I say.

Elke leans forward over the counter to pour me another shot, says, Screaming masses is what Barb said. The sides of Elke’s blond pageboy fall to cover her ears. Like the time Frank Sinatra was here.

You’d think I’d remember something like that. I definitely remember signing books for two very nice young women, so even if Barb or Elke exaggerates my numbers, this convention not only produced fun and education, Sleuthfest also racked up my personal record for book sales at live events.

Are you sure Barb didn’t say that line of fans was for Linda Fairstein?  I say. Or Rene Balcer? Linda and Rene were the guests of honor, big big stars of the crime fiction world.

Nope, Elke says. Barb claimed you were signing for an hour.

The surface of the golden tequila shimmers with reflections of the overhead party lights. I’m perched at the open-air, pool side bar of the Miami Beach Hotel and Spa, the old Doral on Collins Avenue. It’s warm, breezy, and very entertaining here with Elke. Even before you sit, it’s like going over to a friend’s. Verbal hugs. You meet interesting people at mixers like this.

Is that What’s His Name by the pool? I say.

Elke glances up from the sink. Yup.

My favorite bartender seems to be pouring, chatting, blending, washing, taking drink orders, and yelling down waiters all at the same time. Elke may be the best barkeep I’ve ever seen.

That man doesn’t know it, but he’s helped me mucho with my marketing, I say. I should go over and introduce myself, thank him.

Silently mouthing the word mucho to me with her eyes squinted, Elke next says, What marketing exactly was that?

I lean back, shocked and appalled. What are you suggesting? That I spent too much time down here by the pool; missed too much of the fantastic program of writers, agents, and editors? Barb said I was great on the author panel this morning, right?

Elke says, That’s true, honey, but remember Barb is…well, not exactly impartial.She’s very honest though.

Elke shrugs and simultaneously mixes two vodka tonics. A retired couple from Minnesota with three kids, eight grandchildren, and thirty-eight pure bred Alaskan huskies at home just sat down next to me. Elke has them doing their own introductions.

You should be meeting more people, Jack, the newly retired huskie-breeder says. “I was in marketing for forty-two years. Senior Vice President for twenty. It’s all about branding.

Elke hands me a bill. Oops. Apparently, I’ve had enough for today. I must have crossed the line when I used the word mucho. Guess it’s time to fly home. Yes, definitely. There’s my wife Barb with the suitcases.

I give Elke a big tip.

In just over a week, the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour heads for Arlington, Virginia and one of mysterydom’s biggest shows, Malice Domestic, home of the Agatha. I’ll have to mind my Ps and Qs with that one, as my agent, publisher, and editor will all be in attendance.

Glad you’re still on the bus. Jack Getze.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007