Reviewed By Liz

Jack is back!

We are delighted to welcome Jack Getze back to Reviewed by Liz. Jack is hitting the road again to promote his second book, BIG MONEY. We read, loved, and reviewed BIG MONEY and you can read our review here. If you missed the BIG NUMBERS World Tour, check out the category on the right of the same name. Jack entertained us with stories from the road as he traveled to exotic destinations, survived wardrobe malfunctions, signed books, and endured a hailstorm of frogs. Yes, frogs. Read it and find out.

FAIRFIELD, CONN. — I take deep breaths as Diane Defonce takes the microphone to introduce me. Diane is Manager of this two-story Borders store, and was just named Bookseller of the Year by The Romance Writers of America. Tonight is mystery night, however, and seven authors–me included–are talking about their books.

“So tell us about your new novel, Jack,” Diane says.

Here I go again. The pressure’s on. I have ten minutes or so to interest a room full of people in my novel. I’ve learned from experience that being clever, funny, entertaining, and charming is absolutely mandatory.

I wish I’d remembered to wear socks.

“My second novel, BIG MONEY, was sparked by a true event,” I say. “A gangster’s black limousine pulled to the curb in front of my father-in-law’s contracting office one day, and three large men made him go for a ride.”

So far, so good. I have their attention. Now I give them the punch line.

“I didn’t see this happen to my father-in-law. I just read about it on the front page of the local newspaper–the same day I met him.”

It’s a great story. And true. It was 1979. My future wife and I traveled back to New Jersey to meet her parents and attend the wedding of my wife’s brother. At the kitchen dinette that first morning, I found myself eating breakfast with the star of the local paper’s front page.

The big news that day was about the trial of a local gangster, and much of the previous day’s testimony concerned my future wife’s father and that limousine ride. The driver had been wearing a wire, and much of the conversation was played aloud in court.

In the back seat of the limousine that day, a gangster threatened my father-in-law with death if he didn’t pay for protection. My father-in-law said…well, he refused in colorful language. Told the gangster to go ahead and kill him. Then the gangster threatened his wife and children–including MY future wife. My father-in-law said, go ahead and kill them, too, and something like, “They hate me anyway.”

There were a lot of blank spots in the newspaper story, quotes with holes for cursing. At one point in court, during the playing of the taped conversations, a juror raised his hand and asked, “Which one is the bad guy again?”

Of course, when it came down to pointing out the guys who’d taken him for that limousine ride, my future wife’s father refused. He said he couldn’t be sure.

My father-in-law was tough, not stupid.

“You were a big hit,” Diane says after the show. “Does that story really have anything to do with your book?”

“There’s a limo ride,” I say.

Check out Jack’s web site at www.jackgetze.com.

Get your copy of Big Money from Amazon

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com (c)2008

ISBN 1-59133-238-9

Hilliard & Harris Publishers – Hardcover
March 12th 2008

Austin Carr returns in Jack Getze’s second book, BIG MONEY. Our favorite stockbroker has lost his securities license, but this doesn’t keep his boss, Vick Bonacelli, from leaving him in charge of the store while Vick takes a long vacation. Vick also makes Carr promise to watch over his adult daughter Carmela and his mother, Mama Bones. As soon as Vick’s boat sails, Carmela’s ex-husband shows up, Mama Bones is arrested, the regulatory audit turns up some potentially disastrous transactions in the company’s books, and the local mob boss politely requests that Shore Securities launder some money for him. Well, perhaps not so politely…

Yes, it is a typical day in the life of Austin Carr. Carr is the everyman who lives his entire life caught between a rock and a hard place – and watching him try to wiggle out is a delight. A despised ex-husband but devoted father, Carr is motivated to protect his small ownership stake in the securities company so he can provide for his children. But Carr is out of his league when it comes to the machinations of the local mafia and has to rely on the more worldly assistance of his favorite bartender, Luis, and the surprising Mama Bones.

I love it when an author’s second book surpasses a good debut, and Getze achieves this with BIG MONEY. Getze hits his stride in this book and tips us the wink on Carr’s true character. For all his posturing, Carr is always the most naïve person in the room (even when his children are present) and you end up both laughing out loud at his view of the world and rolling your eyes at his sexual impulses, which he has as much control over as your average 14 year-old male of the species. But because he is obviously the innocent in the piece, you end up cheering for him, as well. BIG MONEY becomes a real page turner as you find yourself desperately hoping that everything will turn out all right for Austin Carr in the end.

Favorite character? The Creeper has some wonderful and bizarre appearances in this book, but I have to go with Austin Carr. Did I guess it? Some of it. Will I read another? Absolutely.

Check out Jack’s web site at jackgetze.com.

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2008

Available at Amazon!

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by author Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, speaking at conferences and, in this case, He has just returned the Left Coast Crime conference, in Denver, where he was one of the author panelist.

DENVER, March 7 — Bad weather delays my flight, and I land at Denver International Airport grumpy and twice late. Left Coast Crime, a major attraction for mystery fans and authors, was supposed to be the first stop on The 2008 Big Money World Tour. But since the new book wasn’t/isn’t ready, this top-rated convention will just have to hear again about my debut.

Waving goodbye to the multi-peaked, strange airport building, I remember that, as a stockbroker twenty years ago, I must have sold $10 million worth of Denver Airport revenue bonds to mom and pop investors. I personally raised money to help build this place.

“Where you headed?” the cabbie says.

“The Adam’s Mark.”

Those Denver Airport bonds, barely investment grade and viewed as semi-risky by some uninformed souls, paid off nicely, and I’m hoping good karma will flow back, that my luck will change.

* * *

“You’re an author, aren’t you?” the woman says.

I nod. “Yes. My name’s Jack Getze.”

“Well, come on up here, Mr. Getze. We need another contestant.”

My memory’s getting so bad, I had not intended to enter even this preliminary round of the Left Coast Crime Mystery Trivia Contest. I just couldn’t find the right room. I was looking for Rosemary Harris and Chris Grabenstein.

“This is your trivia contest partner,” the woman says. “Mike Black.”

Mike and I shake hands. He seems like a nice guy, a police officer from a suburb of Chicago.

I learn Mike is a lot more than that when the moderator starts asking questions. Mike knows everything. Old TV shows. New TV shows. Movies from thirties. Movies they haven’t made yet. Oh, yeah. And Mike’s read every mystery book ever written.

The next morning, Mike and I are in the semifinals. This time, the competition is almost as good as Mike. Down six points to zero after the first round, Mike catches them at the finish in round six. The moderator calls sudden death. We contestants are told to shout out the answer. The first right answer wins.

Come on, Mike.

“Some first names are very common among mystery fiction authors,” says the moderator. “Which first name do the following authors share? Barnard… Fate…”

“Robert,” I say.

“Team One, Jack and Mike, you’re the winners.”

Wow. What luck. Robert Fate and I were introduced a year ago, are well acquainted, and usually chat when we see each other on the mystery convention circuit.

Oh, my. Mike and I are in the finals. The Championship!

Mike and I sneak upstairs to strategize for the finals. He’s going to check out the competition in their semifinal. I’m going to study the LCC program, where a lot of questions seem to come from–mystery authors at the convention, their books, subject matter, and characters.

Two hours later, Mike and TFA meet minutes before the Championship.

“We’ve got our work cut out,” Mike says. “The other team is two librarians, including this year’s Mystery Fan of the Year.”

No problem. We have Mike.

I’m not going to drag this out. Even Mike couldn’t answer the first round of incredibly hard questions, but the librarians didn’t miss. To my count, in fact, they only missed four questions during the whole match, including second-guessing Mike and my misses. We never had a shot.

I guess airport-bond karma only goes so far.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com (c)2008

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, speaking at conferences and, in this case, being interviewed on the radio.

LOST NEAR BRIDGETON, NJ (January, 2008)

– “You’re on the right road,” the radio station man says. “Just come straight down Highway 56.”

I stare at my cellphone. This is The Story of 2007, the theme of my Big Numbers World Tour: Everybody tells me I’m on the right path. But I never seem to get anywhere.

“I’m afraid ‘down’ doesn’t help me much,” I say. “Do I make a left or a right out of this side street?”

“Well, where are you again?”

“I think I’m in Vineland. The sign only says Highway 56.”

“Then like I said, just head straight down 56.”

I’m looking forward to this radio interview. The show’s host, Jonathan P. Casey, is something of a cult figure among rock n’ rollers of a certain age. Besides my book, I’m hoping our one-hour, on-the-air chat will include some discussion of the 1960s British Invasion, a subject in which Mr. Casey is expert.

“You want to go west,” the radio station man says.

“West is good,” I say. “That helps. Let’s think this through. It’s eight o’clock in the morning. The sun hasn’t been up that long, and it rises in the east. So if I take Highway 56 away from the sun, that has to be west.”

“Sounds good to me, dude.”

I arrive just in time for the radio show, two minutes to spare.

*

“Does your book have any curse words?” the first caller says. “I don’t like curse words.”

Jonathan glances at me. He’s read the book. He knows the answer.

“Yes,” I say. “There are a few four-letter words.”

The lady hangs up.

“Darn,” says Jonathan. “Let’s try another caller. Yes, ma’am, you’re on the air. Do you have a question for Jack?”

“I’ve written a book about growing and baling wheat in the field,” the second caller says. “Which publisher do you think would be most interested?”

I want to say, ‘Random House, definitely,’ but I’m too polite. I tell her instead about a reference book on publishers and agents. Jonathan doesn’t hold back.

“Good luck with that one,” he says.

*

Jonathan’s south Jersey audience proves their existence at Sherlock Tomes Bookstore later that day. A nice handful of people stop by to say they heard the show, and to ask about the book.

Gosh, I even sell a couple.

“I hope there aren’t any curse words,” one buyer says.

She’s thumbing a copy I’ve just signed for her in thick black ink. Uh, oh. I swallow.

“Ha ha. Look at your face,” she says. “I’m kidding. I thought you handled that woman very nicely.”

I smile and nod, but inside I’m thinking, I should have known. Bridgeton may be a little hard to find, a bit off the beaten path. But basically, it’s just like the rest of New Jersey.

Everybody’s a chop-buster.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com (c)2007

BUFFALO, NY — Desmond uses one of those sticky roller things to take the lint off my black sport coat. Tonight’s event, A Cavalcade of Authors, is about to start, and before leaving the recently refurbished Big Numbers World Tour bus, Desmond–my driver, assistant, PR consultant, and spiritual counselor–wants me to look and be my best.

“Have you thought of what you will say?” Desmond says.

“Not really. The usual. Something about the 600-pound live tuna. Or the stockbroker who needs money to win back his kids.”

“The program says each author will have four or five minutes to talk about himself and his book,” Desmond says. “Seems to me you should have some good lines written down on a note card–maybe even memorized.”

“I like to wing it. I think spontaneous is better than canned, you know.”

Desmond nods. “I agree, at least when you’re face-to-face with someone. But this is like a little speech. You should be prepared.”

Everybody’s full of advice these days. My agent. The PR department. My wife and kids. The family’s chocolate Lab. Desmond’s been on board what? Two months? Not even, and the former guru to the stars thinks he knows all there is to know about publishing.

“I’ve done this kind of thing a dozen times this year, Desmond. I’ll be fine.”

Inside the book store, I greet my fellow authors, including a few familiar faces, and then sit down behind the head table to begin our little forum. About twenty or twenty-five customers have gathered to hear us. One by one, we talk about our books.

The author is front of me is hilarious. Like a standup comic, this person makes the crowd giggle, laugh, and guffaw. I’ve heard the jokes before, this tale the author tells, but the delivery gets better each time, and the material that didn’t work last time has gotten tossed out. It’s now boiled down to a highlight reel.

The author finishes to loud applause.

I stand and stutter. Then a long silence as I forget which story I was going to tell. In desperation, I blurt out dumb stuff about my past, then try to switch to the book. My lead character sounds like a bad father when I forget certain facts.

I sit down after two minutes because I have no idea what I should say next, and because everything I DID say was disastrous.

Half an hour later, Desmond walks me back to the tour bus and begins to brew some herb tea. No more booze for me, he says. “I saw you talking to people afterward,” Desmond says. “Did you sell any books?”

“Only one. But I talked to over twenty mystery readers.”

“How many books did that author who spoke just before you sell? He was very funny.”

“I don’t know. Seven or eight, I guess. I quit looking.”

Desmond’s eyes bore into mine.

“Okay, okay,” I say. “Next time I’ll write some stuff down on a note card.”

“In this situation, you are a performer,” he says. “You must have good material, and you must rehearse.”

“Should I sing and play the guitar?”

“Resist if you want to, boss, but this is what you have to do if you want new people to try your book. This is why you’re on this bus.”

Desmond’s probably right. But it’s times like these when a lonely garret looks good.

Escondido, CA. — In the yellow-brown dust alongside U.S. Highway 15, a major new freeway through the heart of San Diego County’s hilly desert region, the Big Numbers World Tour bus suffers a meltdown.

Out of gas, two flat tires, and a broken, cranky heart. The Old Steel Warrior just couldn’t take the pounding schedule. Those endless miles in the dead of night. The refueling and maintenance nightmares in unknown territory. Those snubs from fancier buses.

“No problem,” Desmond says. “We call a tow truck.”

My new driver sports long hair, a beard, and, so far anyway, an unlikely wealth of common sense.

“That’s one idea,” I say. “Another is to leave the bus here for the buzzards and fly home. I think I’ve had it with the Big Numbers World Tour.”

Desmond’s eyebrows scrunch into a single dark patch. “You can’t give up.”

“Why not?” I say. “It’s almost Halloween. Another month and it’s Thanksgiving. The publishing industry shuts down.”

Desmond wags his head, no. “But not the book stores. December and January are the biggest months of the year for retail book sales. You’ve got to be out there, getting people to try your work.”

Over my shoulder, construction equipment carves brown California desert into a shopping center. Men and their machines are moving mountains.

Funny, but I’m not feeling that same level of ambition anymore.

“We’re wasting our time, Desmond. Nobody wants to come to a signing for Jack Getze. They never heard of Jack Getze. They want to come to a signing for Robert Crais, or Lee Child, or Charlaine Harris.”

“You have to start somewhere,” Desmond says.

Maybe. But I think I should start with a strong, new book, a number three in the Austin Carr Mystery Series that kicks tail. I want to lock myself up in the fiction office for a while.

“We have the Cavalcade of Authors next week in Buffalo,” Desmond says. “Remember? That Mystery Writers of America signing at Border’s?”

“Vaguely.”

“But after that, just telephone stuff. You can take another long break. Let me call the tow truck.”

“Wait a minute. We have to get to Buffalo by next week?”

“No sweat,” Desmond says. “We take U.S. 70, straight across the country.”

I glance down at the spreading pool of engine oil. The flat tires. My own worn shoes. “It’s not the route I’m worried about, pal.”

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by author Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, and speaking at conferences.

VALENCIA, CA (Sept. 14) — Oh, my, has the landscape changed since we left Southern California in 1982. This bustling, traffic-congested city near the once-remote Magic Mountain amusement park used to be acres of tumbleweed, a desert so far out of Los Angeles you could actually see stars in the night sky.

In fact, as the Big Numbers World Tour bus pulls into town, I’m convinced our driver had the directions mixed up.

“This can’t be Valencia, Desmond. I think you took a wrong turn.”

“What does that sign say?”

“Well, yes, it does SAY Valencia. But it can’t be true. Look. There are actually people here.”

Desmond shakes his shaggy head. His face and neck are obscured by long, curly locks and a beard worthy of a viking. “Why would Border’s build a bookstore here if there weren’t people?” he says.

I shrug. “For authors like me. They have to have SOME place to hold unattended book signings.”

“Stop with the negativity, Getze. The spirits are listening. You will create your own destiny.”

Desmond talks like this a lot. That’s why I hired him for the second half of the Big Numbers World Tour. I need inspiration. Plus, I’m very busy working on number three in the Austin Carr Mystery Series, a thrilling new tale with the working title of Big Bigness. I can no longer drive.

“Want me to park in the Border’s lot?” Desmond says. “We should go inside and make sure they have books.”

“No. Let’s go to the hotel. I need a martini.”

Later that night, I am seated at a small table near the front door of Border’s. I have my coffee, promotional material, and a thick black ink pen just in case someone wants me to sign a book.

“Are you Jack Getze?” a young lady says. She and her young man have more metal on their face than those Greek warriors in the movie “300.”

“I am indeed,” I say. “Do you like mysteries?”

“Oh, no. I never read books. But would you sign my palm.”

“Your palm?”

“Yes. I’ll never wash my hands again.”

I wait for the punch line, some humorous or mean-spirited explanation for this inexplicable request. Finally, I realize she is totally serious.

“Well, I’ll sign your palm if you’d like, young lady, but it’s important to wash your hands. Several times a day.”

“You sound like her mother,” the boyfriend says.

That shuts me up. I pick up my pen and sign her hand. You know, why the heck not? Then the boyfriend, who wears a Mohawk in addition to the various piercings, wants me to sign his hand as well. I sign without hesitation.

“Thanks, dude. You’re cool.”

As I watch them leave the bookstore, I’m thinking maybe the landscape in Greater Los Angeles really hasn’t changed all that much.

Glad you’re on the bus.

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by author Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, and speaking at conferences. Jack is currently “resting and relaxing” at the Jersey Shore and will be back “on the bus” in September.

Also, rumor has it, that Austin Carr that unsinkable stockbroker of BIG NUMBERS fame has started his own blog: THE CRIMES OF AUSTIN CARR Don’t miss it!

THE JERSEY SHORE (JULY 31) — The sun shines, waves crash, crowds of kids squeal with pleasure, and my wife wants to know where I’m taking her for dinner tonight.

“We haven’t been to Mister C’s in a while,” she says.

I nod and check my cell phone. I thought for sure my agent would have called back by now.

“Or how about Doris and Ed’s?” my wife says. “You love those big lobsters.”

“Whatever you like, Toots,” I say. “Anywhere is okay as long as I don’t lose my telephone signal.”

My wife kicks sand on my leg. Like most of me, my limbs are a dark golden tan.

“I thought you were taking a break from all promotional activities?” she says. “You’re just as obsessed with this as you were in June.”

Maybe I should call my agent again. She might have tried and failed to reach me. It’s not like her to duck me like this.

“Obsessed?” I say. “I’m trying to start a business, build a career. It takes a lot of time and effort.”

My wife shakes her head and picks up her book. I don’t know what she’s reading, but it’s not Big Numbers.

“Summer’s going fast,” she says. She flips a page. “You should be relaxing and enjoying yourself.”

I check the cell phone again. What the heck is my agent doing?

“I’m enjoying myself,” I say. “Have I missed one sunny day at the beach this whole month?”

Without looking up, my wife says, “Two hours on the beach with your cell phone, your laptop, and a messenger service waiting in the parking lot…that is not relaxing.”

As I shrug off my wife’s comment, the cell rings. It’s my agent. Thank goodness.

“Hey, Grace,” I say. “Did you talk to Oprah?”

Silence. I begin to wonder if the connection’s broken. Finally, my agent says, “Forget Oprah, will you? I couldn’t get James Patterson on the Oprah Show. She doesn’t do mysteries or any other genre stuff.”

“Oh, yeah? How about that James Frey guy? That was a horror novel, wasn’t it?”

“Jack…”

“How about if I checked myself into rehab with all those celebrities?”

Grace laughs. “Not a bad idea. Especially if you can find a place that treats obsessive, first-time authors.”

I take a deep breath. “You were the one who told me I had promote my book, Grace. You said if I don’t do it, no one will, that no one can sell a book as well as its author.”

“That’s true, honey, but I think you’re going overboard. This obsession with Oprah…this latest marketing plan of yours.”

“You got my message then?”

“Oh, I got it. That’s why I’m calling. I think you need more rest. I mean, you CAN’T be serious about going door to door.”

“Why not? I’m only talking about the state of New Jersey.”

Read all the entries in the 2007 Big Numbers World Tour and our review.

Get your copy of Big Numbers from Amazon!

Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007

Today’s featured author is Jack Getze. Jack’s debut novel, BIG NUMBERS was published earlier this year. We read and enjoyed BIG NUMBERS at the start of the year (you can read our review here) and asked Jack if he could tell us about his experiences as a first time author. These interesting insights into the world of book promotion became The BIG NUMBERS World Tour. Jack has sent us eight revealing, ironic, and always humorous updates from the road and you can read them all here.

Who is killing Austin Carr? About to be murdered–snatched off a private fishing yacht by a six-hundred-pound giant bluefin tuna–a down-on-his-luck stockbroker recalls the collection of events, miscalculations, and character flaws that led to his current dire predicament: Living in a truck-mounted camper on the Jersey Shore, struggling to keep up with alimony and child-support payments that no longer reflect his shrinking income, the big-smiling, wise-cracking Austin Carr has been searching for a way out of the stock and bond business. So when his richest client tells Austin he’s dying, and the future widow–a redheaded knock-out–offers tender consolation, Austin’s increasingly desperate financial situation draws him deeper and deeper into a barbed web of bad behavior and deceit. Austin’s would-be killer, whom he dubs “Mr. Blabbermouth,” could be any one of several suspects, as Austin’s words and deeds have attracted the wrath of many in recent weeks. The potential murderers include a wacked-out professional wrestler angry over Austin’s poor investment recommendations, a jealous sales manager who Austin regularly belittles, and even Austin’s greedy employer whose personality traits include a nasty, violent temper. Or could there be another suspect Austin overlooked entirely until he stepped on board that private yacht.

Visit Jack Getze on the web at http://jackgetze.com/.

Get your copy of BIG NUMBERS from Amazon!

If you haven’t signed up for the Summer Mystery Reading Challenge yet, click here for directions. You are welcome to read along on your own, of course, but only registered participants are eligible for the prizes. No matter what your mystery preference – cozy, noir, hard-boiled, soft-boiled, thriller, suspense – we have it on revewiedbyliz this Summer.

If you would like to comment on a book by a featured author or ask them a question, please leave the comment on their daily page so they can find it easily. Comments about what you are reading, books you have finished, requests for readalikes or recommendations, or mystery related links can be made on the SMRC post for that day so we can all see them. Thanks!

For those of you who are just joining us, the Big Numbers World Tour is a special series written by Jack Getze. We read, enjoyed, and reviewed Jack’s first book, BIG NUMBERS, and were fascinated by his story. It took Jack 37 years and 10 rejected manuscripts to get his first book published – and you just have to admire that kind of persistence. So we asked this triumphant author to send us updates from the road as he is promoting his book, and speaking at conferences. Jack is also the featured author on July 14th.

BRANCHTOWN, NJ (JULY 4) — Oh, happy, happy Independence Day. I’m celebrating
not only the founding of our nation but the mid-term cessation of all promotional activities, especially that bumpy road trip called the Big Numbers World Tour.

I’m hitting the beach. (They call it the shore here in Jersey, but except for pizza, pork roll sausage, and stolen merchandise, what do Jersey people know? I grew up in Southern California with surf knobs on my toes. It’s the BEACH.)

Anyway, I need a rest. Seattle, Miami Beach, Washington D.C., Pittsburgh, Erlanger KY, New York City, Boise, Dallas, and Parsippany NJ. All in five months. The Big Numbers World Tour ran me ragged and gave me a cold.

But those five months also prompt a serious, corporate debriefing. What did I see, hear, and learn? What mistakes did I make? How can I do a better job of getting people to read my book?

Q. What did you see?

A. A whole bunch of authors acting silly. Unless you’re already a star, the idea at these mystery/crime conventions is to be on panels and make a connection with your audience. You might sell some people your book, but it’s mainly a chance to acquaint potential buyers with yourself and your cover. In marketing, success almost always takes time and multiple hits. But in “making the connection,” authors often turn goofy. Some wear stupid hats. Some hand out candy. Almost all of us tell weird jokes. We’re nervous up there. We end up seeking attention in strange ways. I, for instance, was always revealing too much personal stuff. I don’t think those middle-aged women really wanted to hear about my prostate problems.

Q. What did you hear?

A. Sad, discouraging stories. Publishers shutting down. Stranded authors. Dropped series. Dwindling newspaper reviews. Bookstores focusing only on big names. Statistics that shake even us optimists: Hundreds of new mysteries every month. The average book sells maybe a few hundred copies. Ask a room full of book buyers if they plan to pick up a debut author as their next read, maybe one or two hands go up. (I’ve read a lot on the internet lately about authors promoting themselves too much. Gosh people, don’t you get it? If new authors DON’T promote themselves and their work, no one will ever read them. Besides, it’s really fun to see your picture in the paper.)

Q. What did you learn?

A. That many, many middle-aged women prefer vampires, cats, and scrap booking detectives to divorced stockbrokers and giant bluefin tuna. That’s okay. I only need a small niche. Oh, and I also learned how other authors sign their books. I watched some biggies–Charlaine Harris, Robert Crais, David Morrell–and they all ask for the fan’s name, how to spell it, and then try to say something personal as they’re writing. Very professional. I am well prepared if anyone ever asks me. (Okay, I’m exaggerating. I sold and signed a few books at every convention except the last one, Deadly Ink in New Jersey–I’m choosing to believe everyone there already owned it–and I once sold twenty to a room full of frog-throwing writers.)

Q. What mistakes did you make?

A#1. I did not bring a personal slave. Lugging that suitcase, books, chapbooks, and a computer around airports, hotels, and train stations was a real pain. My wife and kids turned down the job. I should have paid.

A#2. I was not Random House’s number one pick for the spring season. I should have pushed my agent harder.

A#3 I probably traveled a little too much this spring. I think it’s okay to talk to yourself. Lots of people do it. But I think it shows a certain lack of balance to talk to, and answer yourself, as I’ve just done with this Q&A. Let’s hope a little sand and surf can bring me back.

Until September, everybody off the bus. Jack Getze

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Mystery Book Reviews by Liz at http://reviewedbyliz.com ©2007